Hi All,
I would like to share my list of self support tools for the holidays season. I will be going through in more detail in future blogs about my creativity and how we can all tap into our intuitive creativity, but for now here are my top 9 for Christmas.
1. Compassion - This is a biggie. For me there are several different ways we can be compassionate to ourselves and others, but for now I am talking about - Be compassionate to YOURSELF.
Acknowledge how you are feeling and be ok with all of the wide variety of emotion. As humans going through early grief or episodes of grief, it is so important that we are extra loving and kind to ourselves. At the moment I am really enjoying the practice of scanning my body quickly during the morning and through the day and acknowledging how I am feeling emotionally and physically and saying to myself and even at times, out loud, "I acknowledge I am feeling sad, or tired, or angry or ????.' It can be done in the shower and I love that the best - So simple and easy, but so effective. We come away from our thinking heads and gently come into our bodies. With this information, I find I am in a lot better position to see if I need to take any different actions for myself. For example, if I need a break, or if I am feeling overwhelmed, I may need to go for a walk, get some fresh air or just breath.
Christmas time brings family triggers. I can still feel an overwhelm of sadness, when I am with large families. Checking in with how I am feeling, I can know when I need to excuse myself and take some time to soothe myself with loving and kind words. This also helps me automatically be kind and compassionate to others by not expecting them to take care of me, which in turn does not leave me feeling resentments to deal with later. Oh blessings. I've learnt that sometimes others can't give us what we need especially at those big family occasions. Sad but true. This is a powerful tool to take ownership for ourselves and what we need in a loving, kind and gentle way. This does not mean we can't let someone we love and loves us know how we are feeling later or even at the time.
2. Write a list of the things you would love to do this holiday and do at least one of them.
The other way I find that helps me be compassionate to myself and others during this time, is to make a list of all the things I would really love to do during the holiday season. For years I forgot about what I needed and wanted during the holiday seasons. This is so much fun, so get a piece of paper and pen and write down everything you would love to do and then go through the list and add them to your calendar. Don't forget to add REST!!!! If you have a huge list be realistic and choose the ones you really want to do. It makes me feel so much better and loved when I do this. If you are in a relationship try this, each of you make a list and then come together to look at the list and pick the ones you want to do together, then schedule into your calendar. The ones you have left on your list, do yourself if you want to.
3. One day at a time!!!! Since my decision to stop trying to be a mother I have realised these past few days that this saying is a neccessity in my self-care, love and kindness regime. I can get so caught up in work or procrastination. So live life this holiday period from a stand point of ONE DAY AT A TIME and let go of the future. Breath in this moment.
4. HONOUR YOUR GRIEF - As we are honouring ourselves and our emotions, one day at a time I find that it has been very important to also honour our grief, through ceremony and ritual. For years, I have lit a candle daily to acknowledge what was in my heart. I invite you to do the same.
Light a candle this holiday season to acknowledge the pain and grief, loss you feel. It does not need to be anything fancy, but if you want to create a little alter somewhere in your home, go right ahead. I have one on my windowsill, today it consists of a little candle and affirmation stones, its more of a reminder of what I lost and what I want to bring into my life. I smile every time I look at it.
5. Honour the shadow - In my experience life has two parts of it and it's important to acknowledge them both. The light and the shadow. It has been important for me to remember this and I would advise you to do the same. Some people live only in the shadow and others live in the light, and I have seen many fights between these two types of people, both putting the other down. For me, when I acknowledge them both I live in harmony. So for example, when I am feeling depressed, I don't push it away, I embrace and try to be ever so loving and gentle. When I have negative thoughts, its difficult, but I am learning to acknowledge and embrace the difficult with love and kindness. It all has its place, we do not have to split ourselves off from the challenging or difficult and think it is bad.
This Christmas, I invite you to try this with me. When you think something is bad, embrace with love and kindness. It could be something going on internally with yourself or with others. For example: if you are feeling awful, embrace with love and kindness. If someone you love is challenging you, embrace the challenge. Try not to say that's good and that's bad.
And don't forget to breath!!!! If you like let me know if this practice was helpful for you.
6. Gratitude: I invite you to write a different type of gratitude list. Instead, I suggest a Joys and Challenges list. This really has helped me embrace the shadow and the light together. So grab a piece of paper and pen. On one side write a list of joys in your life today and the other the areas of challenges in your life today. If you are a spiritual person you could give thanks. If not acknowledging that you have Joys and Challenges, which helps bring the darkness into the light. P.S. it is my experience and I know many others, that challenges = learning and growth. And I know it sure does not feel it at the time of the challenge. xx
7. Creativity: Do something CREATIVE this holiday. If you have been on one of my workshops, Paint! Paint from yourself. Doodle. Put a timer on: it could be 5 mins - a whole day. You choose - its your holiday. If you live with someone, let them know you do not want to be disturbed. There are so many different ways to bring creativity into your life. Here is a list of possibilities, which are endless:
bake a cake, biscuits etc. (only do this if you haven't baked loads this holiday!)
create a mandala
sew something
put some music on and dance and sing - loudly for lots of fun
go to an art shop and buy something small to play with - pens, paper, clay (hobby craft is amazing) and use them when you get home.
its not too late - go onto Youtube input handmade decorations - find something you like and make it. I made a wreath last year out of old book pages - it was so much fun.
go for a walk, don't follow a map, phone, don't have a place to go - start from your front door and follow your intuition, notice when you want to go left or right. Explore!!!
Don't worry about doing the right thing. Just listen to what you fancy doing and have a go.
This helps me unlock the playful part of myself. Don't worry about being perfect, I totally give you permission to make loads of mistakes and to have lots of fun making nothing. CREATE TO FIND THE LOVE OF CREATING AND NOTHING MORE. LET GO OF THE OUTCOME!!!!
8. GET OUT IN NATURE! - GO FOR A WALK - A BIKE RIDE in NATURE!!!!! If you are in a city, no worries, go for a walk. If you fancy getting in a car and going to the seaside one day. FAB - do it. Go for an adventure!!!! Go out and get some space and some fresh air. Be careful of National Trust places - They are great, but they are full of families and if you are wanting some space and quiet - avoid like the plague during the holiday season.
9. CONNECT TO OTHERS - I find that I can isolate during the holiday period, and of course there is nothing wrong with that, at all. Though over the years, I have found that I feel so much better when I arrange to meet a friend for lunch or coffee, before or after the holiday period. There are so many wonderful online ways to connect during the season - Facebook has numerous groups and Jody Day's, Gateway Women is open 24/7. If you're not able to meet up with a buddy, reach out online. It really does help to connect.
If things are really tough, call the samaritans - don't suffer in silence, there really are people out here that do understand and wiling to hear you. You can also reach out here and post on my facebook page, I will be looking now and again over the holidays. https://www.facebook.com/helens797/
Don't forget: To Breath in and out, remember you are alive and being you is truly good enough. You are amazing. You are a Grief Warrior!!!!!
Wishing you a loving and kind holiday.
All my love
Helen xxx
