Oh Fuck here we go!!!
I never wanted to be here.
Oh no no Sirree!
No, I so didn't want to go to this place...
I hid, I fought, I screamed...
I didn't want to go here!
But in the end there was just no choice ... I just had to let go and arghhhhhhhh goooooo,
I screamed, I yelled, I screamed and fought and then I was there ....
A rush of pain,
A sense of oblivion....
Anger....
The unfairness of it all...
The jealousy, the why me and not them. 'Look it's just not fair they have it and not me ...'
Then the unbelievable loss, sadness and pain...
'It's gone, it will never happen, it will never be the way I wanted, the way I dreamed.'
The realisation that it was all GONE!
The depression!
The hole!
The unbelievable pain!
I couldn't move -
The thoughts, 'there will never again be joy'.
Where was the joy? Will it ever come back, will I ever be back?
Then out of nowhere... there came something else.
A tiny seed.
The tears were still there, but not so many
The pain was still there, but not so much
It was still grey and dark,
but then something else was there, something small...
Something NEW.
It was small, but it was there.
I started to feel a little alive...
Thinking came back.
Friends came back, some new, some old.
The feeling was small but new and and and alive, like a little green shoot,
I started to feel alive again -
A sense of ... I'm here
I started to sense again, the smell of the earth, the grass and awareness of other's around me.
I started to feel the love of the world ... life again, different and new!
